“Alhamdulillah, I have long forgotten how it feels to fall in love again” Maryam monologued. Maryam used to develop this habit of falling in love since she was in her secondary year of school whenever she found someone that remind her of her father. Everyone who knows her knew that she missed him very much. The only thing she has is a picture of an old man who carries her on his lap that she kept in her purse. It was her late father.
Her father passed away when she was a little girl, and over these past years, she has been brought up by her strong and courageous mother. As time goes by, she grew up becoming one who could not live without love as though it is the only primary concern in her life.
" Is it wrong to love someone, or to be loved by someone?" she wrote it in her journal. She will write everything in her journal that reminds her about happiness, and love. She just used to avoid negative thoughts to be lingering on her mind. It just reminds her of her late father and that will make her sad.
" The only thing you need is love. When you love someone, you will never be in despair " she writes. She was in the midst of writing an entry in her personal blog about " How Love Feels ". She starts writing about all her love life and her writing just excite her readers more.
" Your heart throbs whenever you see him, yet the idea of him in your thoughts just makes you smiles. You talk everything that relates to him which excites you. He is everything you think of when you wake up and when you sleep. Live without him is unbearable. At least, that is what I think when I first meet him, but it turns out to be the opposite. My heart feels anxious whenever I see him and those sleepless nights I got thinking about him has been a waste. I never felt at peace since I meet him. Live without him is unbearable. And that does not feel right. Is not love suppose to be everything that makes you happy?
And that makes me think, is that how love suppose to be? All this while, I always believe that when you find your true love, you have everything. I never get a chance to live with my father, and I never feel a love from a man before, and just the feeling of loving someone intrigued me in many ways... Except that it does not excite me anymore.
Why? Deep down in my heart, I realize that it is not a true love, indeed. It is not real love suppose to be. It is not real love suppose to feel. When you love a wrong person. When you love a wrong thing. When you love other more than HIM."
****************************
Her heart throbs whenever she reads the Quran, as the idea of Him in her thoughts makes her smiles. She talks everything that relates to Him and whenever she looks anything around her, it always remind her of the verses in the Quran. Allah is everything she thinks of when she wakes up and when she sleeps. Live for Him is a blessing. That's how love feels.The feeling of true love, indeed.
"...But those who believe are stronger in love for Allah..." ( Surah Al-Baqarah: 165 )
As Maryam continues writing her thoughts, she praises Allah saying,“Alhamdulillah " for the blessings of falling in love with Him, and falling in love with His Book of Wisdom. Whenever she hears a lecture or a talk that reminds her of Allah and The Quran, she falls in love again. The feeling is priceless. And the feeling never fades. It just grew. Those who found Allah lives happily ever after and that is the truth.
