Friday, December 10, 2010 - 1 comments

A+ in friendship?

"Get not your friends by bare compliments, but by giving them sensible tokens of your love."Socrates

I'll like to share a story that really opens my mind; a story of Socrates:)

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem.

One day one fellow met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about your friend?". "Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test.".

"Triple filter?". "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test.

The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and...". "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't know if it's true or not.

Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?" . "No, on the contrary...". "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true.

You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?" "No, not really." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"

Well we can always participate in loose talks to curb our boredom. But when it comes to you friends its not worth it. Always avoid talking behind the back about your near and dear friends

Have you ever take good thought of it? What kind of a friend we are to others?

What kind of friends we held with?

The one who is always there to console you when you want to talk about a problem,

the one who sticks by you through thick and thin,

the one whom you can count on to be there for you,

This is the person who leaves no doubts in your mind that he or she is your "best friend".

You like each other's company and love to spend time together. If something important happens in your life, they're the first to know.

You trust them and depend upon them in times of need. They may be a classmate, a colleague, a neighbor, a sister, a mother; or even your spouse! It could be anyone who fits this description.

But are they really your "true" friend? How can you find out?

Ask yourself: are they taking you towards the most certain and perpetual success and benefit: that of the Hereafter, or are they going to be the cause of regret for you on the Day of Judgment? See for yourself. Here is a checklist.

When in each other's company, you both:

" Comfortably backbite and make fun of people. Pass comments about others. Laugh at others together, be it a passerby or someone you are discussing. Call each other demeaning names in fun. Laugh at each other's cruel jokes about someone else."

" Start a conversation with "Hi instead of Salaam" and plunge into an exchange of the latest gossip. Hardly ever mention or discuss Allah (SWT), Noble Qur'an, Ahlul Bayt or Hadith in the time spent together. Feel hesitant to discuss religion, unless it is a criticism of any aspect of Islam. Confirm each other's doubts about the Hereafter."

Enough?No?Here's more,

Get involved in activities that delay/do away with prayer, the major obligation from Allah (SWT). Support each other in fulfilling every desire - a dress that caught your fancy, or the in-fashion shoes, even if they are not needed. End up spending money on things you don't need. Discuss unimportant things and events in meticulous detail, such as a film, the latest clothes you got tailored, or a wedding party you attended. Never point out each other's faults politely; if one does, the other quickly changes the subject or gets defensive.

Besides the above points, you both are fully aware of each other's family's and in-laws' faults and short-comings. When one of you feels guilty about having committed a sin, the other quickly offers reassurance that "It's no big deal, everyone does it", and comes up with convincing excuses for the other not to feel guilty about it.

When one of you starts doing something that is impermissible in Islam, the other offers support and help; for example, when one starts to backbite, the other becomes attentive and listens closely. When one discovers a shortcoming of the other, they leave no chance to make fun of it.

Have we forget what have been stated in the Quran?

"Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken such-and-such as a friend!"(Al-Furqaan:28)

About a 'friendship' that has most of the above characteristics, Allah (SWT) says in the Quran:


"Friends on that day will be foes to one and another- except the Righteous Ones."(Az-Zukhruf:67)

All such "friends" will, on the Day of Judgment, become each other's enemies, each lamenting and blaming the other before Allah (SWT), for having supported and encouraged them towards the ultimate and eternal destruction. Allah (SWT) makes an exception to this situation in the Qur'anic verse above: "except those who are al-muttaqeen: the righteous ones".

So who are these 'righteous ones', who will be happily together in the Hereafter just as they were together in the world? How can you tell whether your friend is really and truly your sincere "friend"?

Here is another checklist of characteristics that depict a friendship that will lead to success in the Hereafter.

When together, you both:

Remind each other of Allah (SWT) when you set eyes on each other. Leave each other's company with a higher level of imaan [faith in Allah (SWT)]. Inevitably start the conversation with the Islamic greeting 'Assalamualaikum', and receive the reply for it. Almost always mention Allah (SWT), Noble Qur'an, Ahlul Bayt or Hadith in some context or the other, in your conversations.Strengthen each other's belief on the Hereafter. Give each other more duaa's (well wishes) than material gifts. Always end up exchanging useful and mature ideas and thoughts.


Love each other above and beyond worldly benefits.Attend religious study-circles/ halaqah's together. Have prayed solat together many times. Have watched each other cry, out of fear of Allah (SWT) or out of regret for committing a transgression.Listen attentively if the other is saying something that pleases Allah (SWT).Politely point out and reform each other's mistakes or bad habits in th

e best way possible. Return an Amanah (item placed in other's trust/safekeeping) belonging to the other in its original state. Smile together, but with decent, non-malicious humor. Enquire regularly about the health of the other's family. Become uninterested and change the subject if the other starts to say something that is impermissible. Always discourage the other if they plan to do something wrong. Always encourage the other if they intend to do a good deed that they're hesitant to do. Consult each other in important matters.

Needed most...

Give each other advice seriously and sincerely.Never waste each other's time in useless activities. Never invite the other to a place or gathering of sin. Have full trust that they will never reveal secrets or personal problems to others, nor will they gossip about you behind your back.Address each other in a respectful and loving manner. Forgive each other's faults and shortcomings, and hide them from others.

Those whose friendships possess most of the above characteristics are among the fortunate people who can experience a glimpse of the assembly of Paradise in the life of this world itself, where they have such sincere and true friends - friends who love them for the sake of Allah (SWT). It is they

who shall be saved from all kinds of discomfort and pain on the Day of Judgment when their Lord will provide them with a special place, as per His promise.

Last but not least, let us lend our eyes on this beautiful lyrics by Hijjaz, Dunia Yang Sepi, a reminder for me and you;)

langkah susah mendapat kawan
Bukan kenalan di zaman ini
Berpunca dari hati yang rosak
Kerana dunia memautnya

Alangkah susah mencari kawan
Kebaikan kita disoroknya
Bahkan didengkinya pula
Kejahatan dicanang merata

Salah yang sikit dibesarkan
Yang besar apatah lagi
Alangkah sepi dunia ini
Walaupun hidup di tengah ramai

Kerana kawan tiada lagi
Yang ada hanyalah di jalanan
Kerana kawan tiada lagi
Yang ada hanyalah di jalanan


*Reminding myself before others*

Saturday, November 13, 2010 - 0 comments

A confusing decision?

Salam, right, times sure fly swiftly, holidays arrived!!

For once, I’d imagine that I only get to update this blog once in three months! Talking about having these hectic weeks in DQ, not to mention, it’s our final semester here, everyone’s working on with their thesis,

Yup, talking about writing a ’80 pages report’ of what you’re studied on, as for me, I choose ‘hire purchase: comparisons between the civil and Islamic laws” as my thesis report, really try my best to finish it. Oh, and it seems that our hostel is buzzing around talking about where we would go after leaving DQ this next 3 months ahead.

3 MONTHS!!I know, how times flies :p

And guess what would be one’s ultimate question ever been asked? Where you’re going after this? Are you going to further your study in or out the country? naah, it’s too common, then what?

When you’re going to marry? Wow, that’s a hard question to answer, because truly, I don’t recall I save an answer for that kind of question. Haha, talking about marriage really brings back the memory of doing my MUET writing test, which entitled Arrange Marriage: Is it the best choice? And thankfully, with the help of a bit of memory from my family’s lecture* I’ve grown in this type of family*,I rather give a credit to myself in doing well in the test, Alhamdulillah!* As one’s say, Experience is the best teacher..

*I’m enjoying my favourite Cornetto to thank myself on doing well in the exam*

You should do it too, it really fun! In that way, you tend to learn to appreciate yourselves and love yourselves nevertheless. Random:)

Okay, talking about where is my next destination onwards sure making me a bit anxious, really I am not quite sure of it! I have listed a few choices that I can consider but seems I lost the ways in making the best choice! And here it goes, I think and think and think, and think again, at last I thought, I’m really in a need of a good supervision from the adults.

And the first person I gone to, would be my father, so I talked to him and asked his opinion where I should go, sure he knows the best, I’m talking and there is a 20 year-of-experienced lecturer in front of me, and to be honest, I always find this warm talk spirited me in the end, I’d always admired my father, his intelligence, his kind spoken, his spirit heart, I even think in finding a husband just like him, no kidding, fathers is every one's hero, right? And talking about his opinion, I knew that he will always want the best for me, he never disapprove my decision, like some family, I realized have put no option to their children’s life.

“You have to be a doctor, you must become a lawyer”. That kind of talk that I assumed youngster would always hear from their bragging parents. But as for me, I can have my own choice of career and I’m thankful for it, but yet in my lack of life experience,*talking about a 20 years old innocent*, I really in a need of the help from the experience one.

The first question that I’ve been asked was “ What course do you rather choose?”. And at that time, without any signal, my brain work and I just blurt it out in front of my father, LAW! And I knew that my heart said the same thing too.:)

My father did give me two options whether I like to go to UIA or USIM, because “ It’s the best Universities with the best Law Department I’ve known” is my father's saying. In fact, I can have both degrees in Law and Shariah if I work hard in it.

But then I realized something, and asked again.” How about going to the Middle East? I recall DQ has adept a link with some of the Universities in the in Middle East in sending their graduated student to continue their study, and so my father asked me again,

“What’s on your mind?“

And I answered, Jordan, I’m thinking of going there actually, it is one of my choice though but I don’t know if it is the best for me, and..

My father smiled, and said, I believed in you, you’re 20 and you ought to know what best for your life, and what ever you choose, I’ll be always giving my hand supporting you from behind and that’s how my warm conversation end, I felt like my burden had been reduced just talking it to my father and slowly I’ve come up to my firm decision.

I’ll apply for Jordan!

But then, it’s about my dearest granny, my only grandmother, the news bring her not –in-a-good-mood,

Buak po nak poi belajor jauh-jauh, belajor jo la kek Malaysia ne aa!” really my granny, the sweet, lovable and can’t be apart even a year with her familyJ, reviving back when we first been in Brunei and live there for about 6 years long, I can’t recall any single year that my granny didn’t make it in Brunei, not to mention, before my youngest sister was born in Brunei, my granny even have a 3 month stay due to taking care of my mother during her pregnancy.

That is my granny,and I love her very much and so, this make me think again, should I go or stay?

To be continued…